No. 125 – April 12, 2012

PRESIDENT OBAMA CALLED ME LAST NIGHT!

Seems like anybody will believe anything in print these days.

Of course, he did not call me.  But I bet the headline caught your eye, and that you started to read immediately.

And that is my point.  We are going to get deluged with false information, bogus headlines, lies and slanderous, unsubstantiated stories in the coming months.  So get ready – and please learn to read between the lines.

Don’t simply jump to conclusions – and pass on emails that are blatantly out of touch with reality.

But let’s just pretend that President Obama did call me.  Here is what I think would transpire:

“Hello, Larry.  This is Barack Obama.  I have been reading your American Telegraph and you seem to have things pretty well on line as to my re-election campaign.”

“Hello, Mr. President.  How exactly do you mean?”

“Well, for one thing, I am going to have my Organization play up the fact that I received the Nobel Prize – for my diplomacy and success in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“Also, my reduction in nuclear arms with Russia will be touted to the masses.

“Next in 2011, if you remember, I was leading the NATO forces to help topple Libya’s Colonel Gadhafi.”

“Uh, Mr. President.  As I understand it you were “leading from behind.”

“Good point.  But I was leading, nonetheless.  NATO could not have done it without me.

“Then, to top that success off, I then directed the Navy SEALS to kill Osama bin Laden in Pakistan.”

“But, Mr. President, I saw you cringing in the White House Office.  You looked scared to death.  Hillary Clinton, just this morning said that nobody could breathe”

“Good point.  However, I did not want to appear too overjoyed at the violence.  After all, I was AWARDED the PEACE PRIZE.  But let’s not get lost in this conversation.

“From there, I gave the go-ahead with Drone strikes to kill Anwar al-Awlaki in Yemen.

“And those are just for starters.”

“Starters?”

“Yes, Larry.  You see, the GOP does not get one iota of what this campaign is going to be like.  Let me explain.

“I have the Main Stream Media behind me.

“Warren and George Soros are both heavy contributors to my campaign.  I have over ONE BILLION DOLLARS in campaign financing promised to me.”

“But Mr. President.  What about your campaign against the rich?”

“Good point.  I will just say that they are helping me to fight the rich BAD guys.  Then I can just point to Mitt Romney and his elevator in his garage for his cars.  All I have to say is, ‘We don’t even have an elevator in the White House garage for my car.'”

“But you don’t have a car, Mr. President.  And you don’t buy your own gas, either.”

“Good point.  But I will just say that we must make everybody equal by giving them a fair chance.  Then I bring up Bill Gates and his millions he is donating to charity.  He is on MY TEAM too.

“But he gets to choose who HE gives money too – and then writes all those taxes off – and WE THE PEOPLE have to pick up the slack.”

“Good point.  But he is one of the richest men in the world so I am happy to have him in MY corner.  I would rather have him with me, than against me.”

“But that makes four of the RICHEST MEN ON THE PLANET on your reelection campaign.  How does that square with you trying to blame the rich for everything?  Warren Buffet spends MILLIONS OF DOLLARS every year trying to AVOID TAXES.  So does Soros, who by the way is considered a criminal in France, and Gates does the exact same thing to AVOID paying his fair share.”

“Good point.  But you have to understand, they are friends of mine.  They have extremely strong ties with people around the world, the Communist Chinese, North Korea and especially Russia.  We don’t want to make anybody mad, now do we?”

“But those countries are adherents to terrorism around the world.  So are Iran and Venezuela, both of whom you treat very lightly when it comes to international diplomacy.”

“Good point.  But, after all, this is an election year, as I told the President of Russia just the other day.

“But beside the Media and one billion dollars behind me, I also have UNIONS ACROSS THE COUNTRY voting – and WORKING FOR ME – twenty four hours a day.

“Also, I AM THE INCUMBENT – AND I CAN JUST ABOUT DO ANYTHING I WANT.”

“But what about the Constitution?”

“Good point.  But, in all honesty, I could care less about the Constitution.  Hell, I got to be President not because of the Constitution – but in SPITE OF IT.  But don’t quote me on that.”

“But you have disappointed a lot of people with all your broken promises.”

“Good point.  But let’s remember, the ECONOMY IS GETTING BETTER.  Or so I have told Ben to tell the masses.  After I get reelected is when the real problems will come up.  But, hey, I don’t care.  I will have a MILLION DOLLAR PENSION for the rest of my life.  Why should that bother me.  I got mine.  Now, again, don’t you be quoting me on that.”

“But what about gas prices?”

“Good point.  Watch what happens in September.  They will be down to the three dollar level.  My ORGANIZATION is working on that now.

“Your Organization?  I thought it was an Administration.”

“Good point.  But where I come from, the boys refer to it as the ORGANIZATION.  It is kind of a tradition with us.”

“Well, what about the borders?”

“Good point.  What borders?”

“Well, what happens if your Healthcare does not get past the Supreme Court?”

“Good point.  First off, I will appoint four new Justices.  Then I will blame the GOP for being against healthcare for OLD PEOPLE, POOR PEOPLE, VETERANS, AND THE MIDDLE CLASS.”

“That just about covers everybody.”

“Good point.  It only leaves the RICH PEOPLE.  And that is the crux of our whole racial/rich/poor class warfare agenda.  This way the GOP are for the RICH – and I AM FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.  The American people were naive to believe me the first time.  And they will believe me again.

“And can you believe, the GOP is SO STUPID to have a RICH MAN running for president that I can sell this to anybody, anywhere, anytime of the day.  I have to laugh.  Of all the good men the GOP could have come up with, they go for Mitt Romney.  And then we have the Evangelicals who will just sit on their hands because they consider his religion a cult.  It is a win-win situation for me.  And if all else fails, I can have Israel attack Iran by late summer, I will support Bebe, thus gaining back the Jewish vote – and then I win IN A LANDSLIDE.  It is so simple, it is laughable.  Get it?

“Yes, Mr. President.  I got it.  But what can I do to wake up the GOP?”

“Good point.  Nothing.  Nice talking with you, Larry.  Goodbye.”

“Goodbye Mr. President.  And God Bless America.”

And that, my friends, is the election in a nutshell.

Take care and keep thinking positive.

Lawrence Klepinger
Editor/Publisher
THE AMERICAN TELEGRAPH